Stop Hoping People Will Change
Darren had been transferred - demoted, really - and was back working the desk, instead of going out in the field. He was planning to ride it out for another five years; I sat down with him and listened to his disappointment. I wanted him to understand how his resentment was affecting his behavior. I said that he could ride his time out and wait for his pension, but I asked him what he really wanted.
He said, “I really want to get back to the field. I love sales,” By the time he finished talking, it became clear to him that he could get back to sales by really succeeding at his desk job. That would be easy for him after having been in the field for so long. He had to quit moaning and get back to work.
Once he clarified for himself what he really wanted, and why he wanted it, he was able to take action. Within two and half months, he was back in the field and succeeding.
Have you noticed that some people just don’t change?
You’re probably familiar with the joke, ‘How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?’ ‘Only one, but the bulb has to want to change!’
Notice how members on your team seem to make the same mistakes repeatedly, usually in the same situations, with the same people, and in the same way?
Or they insist on doing things their way, long after you’ve turned blue in the face trying to get them to do it the way that upper management wants things to be done?
Sure, occasionally, they try to do something different – especially when you put the pressure on – but within a short period of time, they’re back doing the same old thing:
They spend more time in the office than in the field.
They don’t update the CRM.
They sandbag their sales results to game the system.
They keep giving away margin.
They string you along on the game-changing deal that’s going close soon.
Their pipeline is a mystery.
They keep missing their target.
You wind up having the same conversations with them about the same things, offering the same advice, and you can almost see it going in one ear and out the other.
The only thing that changes is your level of frustration - it keeps going up.
Finally, you escalate the pressure, eventually taking the most unproductive step ever devised to help people change: the performance plan (otherwise known as the getting-rid-of-somebody-by-the-book plan).
This move eats up precious time and energy. It rarely results in improved sales performance, and it hinders your ability to hit your targets.
What’s wrong here?
Their part is clear: they’re not changing! Look, it’s as simple as that, isn’t it? Strip away the stories, the excuses, the ‘trying harder,’ and what you’re left with is this: they’re still doing what they’ve always done.
What’s your part? It’s painfully simple. You are hoping they will change. You patiently accept their excuses and stories, and you tell yourself that this time will be different.
If you’re doing this, you are living proof of the accuracy of the classic definition of insanity: doing the same thing again and again, hoping for a different result.
Hope is a big deal. It’s the power you have in the face of all you can’t control. Certainly, COVID has taught us this!
However, living on hope is a different thing. It is what keeps you from grasping some simple truths about how people can change.
The reality is that people can and do change. After all, they spent their first five years on the planet doing nothing but changing. They did it quickly, efficiently, and without complaining or engaging in histrionics.
One thing that helped them change so quickly and so completely when they were young was that they wanted to. They really wanted to learn to walk, talk, run, dance, draw, sing, and explore everything they could get their little hands on.
However, when you consider adults, nobody really wants to change to do the things you need them to do. You can’t get them to change by coercing, forcing, threatening, or intimidating them, at least not to the quality or standard you want and certainly not consistently.
The trick is to accept the inconvenient fact that people have to want to change. This is an important reality that you must accept.
So how do you get people to want to change and want it strongly enough to make it happen?
Instead, learn how to require people to change without demanding that they do. That combination – your requirement for change and your lack of demand – creates the environment in which they can develop the self-generated, deep desire to do things differently.
It is truly the one managerial skill that changes everything. Mastering it will take your very best.
Try the following exercise with someone whose behavior or attitude needs to change. Control your own attitude, remember that she can change if she really wants to, and guide him through this conversation.
When you meet, give her the facts about what must change and stress that changing is a requirement for her to keep her job. Tell her you can’t make her change and ask if she really wants to make the effort.
Whatever she says next, ask for her thinking. Keep asking until she says clearly that, Yes, she wants to make the changes. (If she says no, this conversation ends and a different one starts.)
Then ask her why she wants to change. This is really important, and you want to help her keep exploring her reasons to change. Keep up this line of questioning – “…and you want that, because…? “
Now, ask her what she is going to do to make the changes happen. Offer any ideas you have, but be sure that she decides what she will do.
Write down her plan and make a date to meet and evaluate how the changes are going.
Getting good at helping people want to change is, for us, the holy grail of sales management. It will save you an enormous amount of time and money because you won’t have to continuously replace staff.
After a while, you may even start hearing your staff referring to you as ‘the best manager I ever had.’